Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
