Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
