Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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