Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
