I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
