Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i now understand why vodka
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
