I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
