So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We need to get me chipped asap
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
