Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
