go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
