You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
