I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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