thus making me awesome and them whores
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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