Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
