Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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