The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
