I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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