If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
