who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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