I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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