Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
