She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
