my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
