You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
