how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
