never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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