he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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