my sisters under your porch take her home
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
