Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
True strength comes from lack of pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize