he puts the penis in happiness.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
