I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
