we're blogging at a bar
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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