once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
