I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
