how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
