there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
