We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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