Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
