Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
