You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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