And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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