CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
