You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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