But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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