I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
