I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
