apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
