Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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