We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize