His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
