here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
