So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
