I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
