so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
