What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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