My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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