guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
