Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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