I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
