She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
