Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
