So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
