I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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