I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
