can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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