I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
