And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
