Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
