My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
