I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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