no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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