Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
