Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
