Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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