Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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