My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
