I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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