I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
