Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
