wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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